Here she is, Miss Female Catholic Priest

Miss America PageantToday I was crowned Miss America. Except by "Miss America" I mean my husband said I was "one foxy-looking pregnant lady." It's a shame that pageant organizers do not recognize this triumph and bestow on me the crown I so rightfully deserve. I joke, but check out the lede to a story from Portland's KOIN News:

Oregon's first female Catholic priest was ordained in Gresham on Sunday. It's a history-making milestone, but one the Catholic Church does not recognize.

The Vatican says only men can be priests. But since 2002, there has been a growing international movement to defy that law and give women the same status as men, and ordain them.

Toni Tortorilla said she was called to the priesthood when she was 5 years old, and she believes the law is unjust.

The bishop who ordained her at a United Church of Christ, Patricia Fresen of Germany, was herself ordained by a male bishop in good standing in South Africa. Fresen's Dominican order expelled her, but she became the driving force to ordain more women.

There are now 22 women priests and five deacons internationally. None of them has been ex-communicated, but neither will the Church recognize them.

By the end of the summer, the women priest program expects to ordain another nine North American women as priests, and 14 as deacons.

The debate within the Church is whether the ban on women priests is human law or divine.

I know that Oregon, where my husband is from, is known for its lack of religiosity, but this story is so bad that it's hard to know what to say in response. Even the little things are bad. What does the phrase "at a United Church of Christ" mean? Where is any information about the name of the organization that ordains the women? What is the name of the South African bishop in good standing? Where are any quotes from any people knowledgeable about the situation? What the heck is that last line? Seriously. What does that last line mean? This rivals that bout of bad stories from last year.

Anyone fluent in broadcast television news-speak who can translate any meaning from this story? Until then, I promise to fight for world peace and literacy as part of my platform.

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