Now why in the world didn’t I think to write this column?
Veteran Godbeat scribe Peter Steinfels offers this heartfelt plea to those who believe that the mainstream press does not devote enough attention to religion news or, when covering the beat, gets things messed up.
Wait a minute: What exactly is the mainstream press? Keep that in mind as you read the following riot of a piece. I mean, is this shooting ducks in the pond or what?
The next time laments are heard and verdicts rendered about the media’s lack of attention to religion, will someone please remember Weekly World News?
As everyone whose life experience has not been limited to upscale food stores or buying groceries online knows, Weekly World News was the supermarket tabloid printed only in black and white but carrying articles as colorful as the most fevered imaginations could produce.
When those articles did not feature a resurrected Elvis, the love life of Bigfoot or space aliens meeting secretly with leading politicians, they often dealt with religion: “Baby Born With Angel Wings” (accompanied by photo). “Quick Test Tells If You’re Going to Heaven or Hell!” “Adam & Eve’s Skeletons Found — in Colorado!”
Well, where else would it be? The Rockies have always looked like heaven to me (along with some really nice territory in the Great Smokies).
But Steinfels does have a news hook. The strangest of all checkout line tabs is closing shop and he simply wants to note that “no one has sufficiently mourned the loss to religion reporting.” With a hat-tip to the mainline standard, The Christian Century, he offers a short list of the scoops offered by Weekly World News.
Like what?
Q.: What does God look like?
A.: God “has fiery green eyes, flowing brown hair and stands 9 feet tall.” …
Q.: Where is heaven?
A.: Heaven is 28,000 light-years from Earth, according to another space probe.
Q.: Where is hell?
A.: Nine miles below the surface of Earth, according to Soviet engineers drilling in Siberia (the Soviets played a curiously large part in these discoveries). Weekly World News reassured readers that those engineers had capped the hole after smelling smoke and hearing the cries of the damned.
Q.: How do you get to heaven?
A.: Through the Bermuda Triangle — did you have to ask? This was attributed to a Dutch physicist, who also reported that the passage to heaven was open 16 times a year.
So is there anyone else out there who wants to share a favorite religion-beat classic from this august newspaper of record? Speak up.
Confession is good for the soul. You at least read the headlines from time to time, right?
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Comments (10) |
August 23, 2007, at 12:09 am
I’m glad that this fine newspaper’s fearless religious coverage is being recognized at long last. Their record for scoops is unmatched as is their contribution to our understanding of the world around us.
August 23, 2007, at 1:26 am
My favorite Weekly World News headline (published at Christmastime):
RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER DEAD
BODY FOUND HANGING IN MEAT LOCKER
Of course, published with accompanying photo of recently butchered venison. Sheer perversity.
August 23, 2007, at 2:03 am
The Weekly World is closing? What will I do for Sunday School material?
August 23, 2007, at 8:53 am
“Best investigative journalism on the planet.” — Kay, Men in Black
August 23, 2007, at 9:34 am
This list of favorites appeared on the WaPo’s Off Beat blog. These are hard to beat:
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2007/07/weekly_world_news_goes_online.html
10) “The Moon is Made of Green Cheese But — WHAT ABOUT MARS?”
9)”Man Poses as CPR Dummy To Meet Women”
8)”Mother Nature Endorses Gore for President”
7)”Astronomer Rebuked For Endless Staring into Space”
6)”Man Marries Computer — Becomes Gigamist”
5)”Seeing Eye Squirrels For Blind Dogs”
4)”TRUCKER ABDUCTED — RETURNS WITH ALIEN PROSTATE!”
3)”Tiny Terrorists Disguised As Garden Gnomes”
2)”Shopping Mall Where Lions Work As Security Guards”
1)”Vegan Vampire Attacks Trees”
August 23, 2007, at 10:16 am
More on the Soviet’s drilling into hell:
http://orthodoxengland.org.uk/demonsscr.htm
http://amightywind.com/hell/aboutsounds.htm
August 23, 2007, at 11:24 am
Dang. Now there’ll be nothing to look at in the checkout line except Britney and Angelina.
August 23, 2007, at 12:41 pm
This really is a loss. Thankfully The Onion has added some classy news videos, including the one about how we should battle the ghosts of terrorists. (Does that qualify as a religion ghost?)
As far as Colorado being the original Garden of Eden… I always assumed that if John Denver said West Virginia was “almost heaven” then heaven must be somewhere around Dayton, Ohio. It had a really bad effect on my sanctification.
August 23, 2007, at 1:50 pm
I owe the Weekly World News a debt of gratitude because it made me smile the week after 9/11. While the supermarket check-out was inundated with magazine after magazine showing the Twin Towers tragedy, Weekly World News chose to lead with this:
“Hillary discovered in love nest with alien”
I won’t share the sub-head, which was in poor taste, but involved Bill Clinton’s comment on the sitation.
And that perennial WWN cover favorite — the Batboy — was on the loose, according to the bottom headline on the front.
A few weeks later, the Batboy, according to the cover, joined up with the Marines to fight the War on Terror.
August 24, 2007, at 3:06 pm
Favorite two religious Weekly World News stories-
#1- “Jesus appears in children’s hospital, heals only three children, and vanishes. Hospital officials says that He was not seen entering or exiting the building & He was on the third floor so it’s a mystery how He got there.”
DUH! HE’S JESUS!
Btw, it came with photos. Apparently, He’s gotten a little gray on the sides & is kinda tubby.
#2- “Gigantic Jesus appears outside UN”, complete with “photo” (actually older artwork) of Jesus “knocking” on the UN building. Now, even in the old “Jesus knocking at the door of your heart” pictures, but most of all with Him at the UN, this caption always comes to my mind-
“Open up and nobody gets hurt!”