On one level, what we have here is a another variation on an all-to-common story.
Then again, there is an excellent chance that someone at the Los Angeles Times, almost certainly in the name of cultural sensitivity, failed to ask a very basic question about this painful event inside a non-so-typical American family — a question about sharia law. Here is the top of the story:
Standing in front of TV cameras at a Hesperia gas station Monday, the distraught mother of a missing teenager made an urgent plea.
“If you are holding my daughter, please let her go,” Melissa Bender said. “Please, I beg you to let my daughter go. She’s just 13 years old.”
Jessie Marie Bender had been missing a week. Her mother told authorities she feared the girl had run away with a Chicago man she met on Facebook. … On Wednesday afternoon, detectives found the girl at an Apple Valley motel. She was hiding there, authorities said, with the help of an uncle who said she was running away from a forced marriage in Pakistan.
Investigators are now trying to find out whether such a marriage was being planned, said sheriff’s spokeswoman Roxanne Walker. But they know that the girl left home because she was scared.
The family says a two-month trip was, in fact, in its plans. A forced marriage? The mother has denied that part of her daughter’s story.
However, this is where things get complex in this news report about a multi-cultural family. Pay close attention and ask journalistic questions.
Melissa Bender, holding the door to her home slightly ajar, told a reporter … that a forced marriage was not being planned. In a voice just above a whisper she said the family had planned a trip to Pakistan in February to visit the family of her 6-year-old daughter’s father. …
She said that she and her significant other, Mohammad Khan, a Pakistani man, passed lie detector tests and that she didn’t expect any charges would be filed against her.
However, investigators have — searching through computer and telephone evidence — found no signs of the alleged Facebook relationship. Thus, Jessie Bender and three siblings have been placed in protective custody.
But let’s back up. The man described in this story as the girl’s father is Mohammad Khan. Her mother is Melissa Bender. However, Khan is later described as Melissa Bender’s “significant other.” Journalists seem to be having trouble pinning down whether Khan and Bender are married.
Now, I know that this is an increasingly common scenario — cohabitation, with children — in an American context. However, in this case it raises some questions.
Is Khan the biological father of the children? In this case that’s important, but so is this question. If — and I repeat IF — Khan is a Muslim and actively practices his faith, is there a chance that the couple has in fact been married under sharia law, but are not legally married under U.S. law? Can that happen? That suggests another question that might — repeat might — be relevant: Has the mother converted to Islam?
At that point, we may simply have a case of two Muslim parents who want to take their young daughter back to his homeland to do something perfectly ordinary in that culture — to arrange her marriage. Is this legal under American laws? Is it legal under sharia? That’s a relevant question. If the girl is from a previous marriage and/or relationship, then things would get even more complex.
One more thing: About that uncle who is said to have been trying to help the girl hide. Is he an uncle on the mother’s side? On the father’s side? On the side of a biological father? Are we dealing with a conflict inside the wider family, as well?
Family law cases are always complex and emotional and hard for journalists to cover. This would be especially true with two systems of law at work. In this case, the sharia question is truly relevant in order to describe the facts in the case. Please help me search for additional information on this case — especially in the mainstream press, if that is at all possible.
 | Posted at 4:48 pm |  Print
| Permalink | Trackback |
Comments (28) |
March 6, 2011, at 5:00 pm
There’s also this: Marrying the mother, in sharia law, doesn’t make the kids belong to the stepfather. There’s no legal adoption in Islam. So it would have to be the mother (probably through her legal guardian, which would be the stepfather) arranging the marriage.
Of course, there are plenty of reasons an American kid wouldn’t want to travel to Pakistan in today’s unsettled conditions. But I think any girl being taken to Pakistan to meet Muslim family would have a legitimate right to worry about being pressured into marriage or having her family pressured into arranging marriage for later. It literally happens all the time.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
9 
1
March 6, 2011, at 5:13 pm
But I think any girl being taken to Pakistan to meet Muslim family would have a legitimate right to worry about being pressured into marriage or having her family pressured into arranging marriage for later. It literally happens all the time.
It also happens in non-Muslim countries—like India—and in Christian Africa. Arranged marriage for young girls is common all over the world, notwithstanding anyone’s interpretation of sharia or not. Sharia only requires that marriage—arranged or not—be consensual. The non-legal tradition is more controlling then sharia itself.
There are some unanswered questions here, but I imagine the family isn’t too keen to talk to reporters given the sharia hysteria that grips the U.S. and the media. It will be interesting to see if Muslim interest groups—like CAIR—will become involved and act as spokesmen….
Like or Dislike:
3 
2
March 6, 2011, at 5:15 pm
When making specific accusations against groups of people, please back up your words with URLs. Thanks.
Like or Dislike:
3 
0
March 6, 2011, at 5:44 pm
Was my comment eaten?
If so, I don’t have time to rewrite it, but here’s a link: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/jesse-bender-missing-california-teen-runs-forced-pakistan/story?id=13050934
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 6, 2011, at 6:21 pm
I found that to be an interesting question and did some research. Muslim Marriage Contract in American Courts is an interesting discussion about how a Muslim marriage contract might be interpreted in an American court - it’s not straight forward as this quote from that article illustrates:
Then, there’s this from Fox as Maureen mentioned:
But, as to adoption, she’s wrong: http://islam.about.com/cs/parenting/a/adoption.htm
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
March 6, 2011, at 6:26 pm
Child marriage is illegal in India, Harold. This can’t be said for some Muslim countries like Yemen, in which child marriage is legal.
The United States Government needs to step in and rescue this girl from her parents. We need to send the message that we will not tolerate American young women being handed over to Shariah barbarism.
Like or Dislike:
3 
2
March 6, 2011, at 6:56 pm
Hector: “Child marriage is illegal in India, Harold. This can’t be said for some Muslim countries like Yemen, in which child marriage is legal.”
Child marriage is illegal in India, but widely practiced.
http://cis.uchicago.edu/outreach/archive/08-09/081118-Shulman_India-BackgroundReading.pdf
http://www.asiantribune.com/index.php?q=node/1763
http://www.unicef.org/sowc09/docs/SOWC09_Table_9.pdf
A bit under half of all marriages in India, along with 56% of all marriages in rural India, involved women younger than 18. Pays légal, pays réel: the law’s clearly not enforced.
I hope everyone here opposes handing over children to situations of potential abuse regardless of the religion—or lack thereof—involved.
Like or Dislike:
3 
0
March 6, 2011, at 7:45 pm
Under Sharia law a man can have more than one wife—and at at her VERY young age. Has anyone in the media asked the question if more might be being hidden than a possible arranged marriage?? Could the teen-age girl have been a plural wife. The story is certainly confusing about the family relationships involved.
Like or Dislike:
3 
2
March 6, 2011, at 8:21 pm
JOYE:
No sign of an earlier comment from you. I will look in the ever thickening spam filters.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 6, 2011, at 9:21 pm
I think Mohammed (the prophet) married a girl and 6 and consumated the marriage when she was 9.
Since many Muslims hold up Mohammed as their model, many Muslim societies allow the marrying of VERY young girls to fully adult men. …
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
8
March 6, 2011, at 9:30 pm
That is not true unless you consider some of the marriage ages in some states to be VERY young since, at the extreme, Massachusetts allows marriage as early as 12 for girls with parental consent http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/table_marriage and that is younger than the Muslim countries http://www.muslim-marriage-guide.com/marriage-age.html
Like or Dislike:
1 
1
March 6, 2011, at 10:59 pm
All these questions were answered in other articles:
1) Khan is not the biological father of Jesse or her two older siblings.
2) It is of course possible that Khan and the mother are married outside of the laws of the US. They have one child together.
3) It is likely, but not confirmed, that the mother is now a Muslim.
4) Jesse is 13. She is therefore too young to marry under California law.
5) Forced marriage is not legal under sharia law. It is, however, sometimes practiced nonetheless in less educated tribal areas.
6) Everyone who was hiding the girl is a relative on the mother’s side.
The question of sharia law is not germane, since as an American citizen, Jesse is not subject to sharia law.
6)
Like or Dislike:
4 
2
March 6, 2011, at 11:11 pm
joye,
I cleared the Spam files and didn’t see anything from you in there. Not sure what happened.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 7, 2011, at 12:05 am
Religious people get married according to the standards of their own religions. Under separation of church and state, US courts have no business enforcing anybody’s religious law: not sharia, not a Jewish ketuba, not refusing divorces to Catholics who have not secured annulments, nada. Religious law is simply not applicable in secular courts. Perhaps we unfortunately need a law clarifying that — but it should apply to all religions equally. Any law that does not would be itself unconstitutional.
Like or Dislike:
3 
1
March 7, 2011, at 12:39 am
Jerry,
That Massachusetts law may be technically on the books, but I can guarantee you (being from Massachusetts) it’s long dead in practice. No one in any position of authority in Massachusetts would even considering allowing parents to ‘marry’ off their twelve year old, and if anyone tried to do it they’d find themselves in jail for child abuse very quickly. …
Like or Dislike:
4 
3
March 7, 2011, at 9:34 am
“… In a voice just above a whisper…”
That’s where I’d start. Talk about your obvious red flags.
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
March 7, 2011, at 10:09 am
This story may not have anything to do with religion and everything to do with attempted child bride trafficking. This American woman may never have suspected that her boyfriend may be up to something sinister in whisking the girl to Pakistan, where some are willing to pay high dollar for a wife. Here’s a story I wrote on a trafficked woman in Pakistan: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2004/june/17.46.html
Like or Dislike:
2 
0
March 7, 2011, at 2:45 pm
1. Melissa Bender (Jessie’s mother) has six different children from six different fathers. Only her youngest, Fatima, belong to the current Pakistani boyfriend, Mohammad. She has custody of four, and she lost custody of two.
2. She has had 13 CPS (Child Protection Services) cases open and closed with nothing found. All 13 cases were about abuse of her children.
3. Mo (Mohammad, Melissa’s boyfriend) is married to another girl in Texas. That is why they (Melissa and Mo) are not married.
4. Michael is Melissa’s brother and Jessie’s uncle. He is the actual person who has been taking care of Jessie and her brother John. He works very hard to take care of the two children even though they are not his own. Melissa had never really been part of Jessie’s and John’s lives until recently.
5. Michael was not informed of Melissa’s plan to take Jessie to Pakistan until two days before the trip.
6. Melissa has converted to Islam. She has been trying to convert her children (including Jessie) to Islam.
7. And finally, Melissa and Mo *DID* plan to marry Jessie to Mo’s brother in Pakistan, and then use marriage visa to bring Mo’s brother over to the US. They were paid $3000 to for this.
http://www.examiner.com/missing-persons-in-national/exclusive-13-year-old-child-exploited-for-pakistan-arranged-marriage-for-3-000
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
6 
0
March 7, 2011, at 3:48 pm
There’s some indications that Deann might be right—that this isn’t a religion story but more of kidnapping story
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 7, 2011, at 4:29 pm
Bob, even if it’s a kidnapping story it’s rife with religious ghosts.
Like or Dislike:
2 
0
March 7, 2011, at 6:07 pm
Maybe.
Like or Dislike:
0 
1
March 8, 2011, at 1:40 am
Jessie Bender may be targeted for Pakistani ‘Honor Killing’, US authorities fear
HESPERIA, Calif. - A California middle-schooler whose mother and Pakistani stepfather tried to force her to marry a stranger is now being targeted for an “honor killing,” a close relative told The Daily.
Child welfare officials have moved the 13-year-old Jessie Bender from the foster home where she’d been staying last week to an undisclosed location to get her out of danger, the girl’s relative said.
Jessie’s mother, Melissa Bender, promised her daughter and a $3,000 dowry to a brother of her stepfather, Mohammed “Mo” Khan. The wedding was to take place during an eight-week trip to Pakistan, but concerned relatives hatched a scheme to whisk Jessie away to a motel for safe-keeping, the family member said. Khan has two brothers, age 31 and 18, but the relative - who feared retaliation if identified - did not know which brother was supposed to be the groom.
On Friday, the relative learned that Jessie is now being targeted for a Pakistani “honor killing” because she refused the marriage, prompting child protective services to act.
http://www.thedaily.com/page/2011/03/05/030611-news-honor-killing-1-5/
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 9, 2011, at 10:41 pm
Taking 13 yo girl across borders state/national for marriage is statutory and or forcible rape and or sex trafficking,regardless of her parentage and or citizenship.
Sharia Law is not followed in the United states, just as Catholic (Canonical Law), Jewish and Protestant religious laws are not followed,so it is with Islam(Sharia laws). Religious law has no place in in the legal enforcement of any secular nation (USA, Britain, France, Canada). Religious law is only followed in non-secular states, like Iran. Therefore, because we only follow laws of USA, we do not have to worry about Sharia laws here. We can learn about them though, and maybe compare the Koran to the bible, some of you will be shocked I’m sure!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 10, 2011, at 1:59 pm
Sorry I did not through all the above before posting. I have to thank Jerry for digging up the “conflicting reports about whether Bender and Khan were legally married” line. Is this going to be the relevant issue is Muslim society? I know there are cases in New York where some Jewish rabbis will perform non-legally binding marriages for people so they can be married by Jewish law, but still get death benefits conditioned on them not re-marrying. Personally I think such actions are 100% scams, the point is that there are cases in which religious marriages are performed that are not legally binding.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 10, 2011, at 2:21 pm
This article http://abcnews.go.com/Health/jesse-bender-missing-california-teen-runs-forced-pakistan/story?id=13050934 tells us many things. Michael Bender is Jesse’s mother’s brother. He is unmarried. This suggests that whoever Jesse’s biological father was she has no clear relationship with him because she has her mothers maiden name as her last name. This is more clear since Jesse’s mother’s mother Mary Bender was also living there. Even more intriguing is the presence in that household of her brother John, that is Jesse’s brother.
This line is also telling “The children’s mother was married to a Pakistani man who identified himself to reporters as “Mo.” He was not the children’s father.” It is clear from a wider reading that the marriage of Melissa and “Mo” Khan is not an established fact. What is intriguing to me here is that he calls himself Mo. This would seem to be a case of a weak Muslim identity and trying to fit in in the US. However, Jesse and her family members may be right to fear what will happen in Pakistan.
Mo Khan seems to be a good candidate for the designation “cultural chameleon”. He strikes me as the type of person who adpats to his surroundings. While in the US he is a secular person, goes by Mo, maybe marries the lady he lives with, maybe before she has children and so on. However, once he is in Pakistan he will react differently. He and Melissa Bender may have no current plans to marry Jesse off while in Pakistan, but that does not mean they will be able to stand-up to pressures from his family to do so, or at least extend their visit, once they do reach Pakistan.
This adds another question, how much can the government intervene on the assumption that the rights of women are important, and taking them to a country that does not respect such rights will be detrimental?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 10, 2011, at 2:32 pm
The fact that Jesse says this is not a two-month visit but a move brings up further issues. If she is right, the plan to force her to marry is irrelevant, but the question is “how likely is such a marriage in the future”.
The final question is, do children who are US citizens have a right to resist their immigrant parents attempts to move them in any circumstance? Does the state have the right to resist such actions. Is arranged marriage “foced marriage”. Is “arranged” or “forced” marriage against public policy?
The ABC story tries to put this into a broader context of immigrant parents verses American-born children, but still avoids mentioning one word of religion.
The other intriguing thing it brings up is the claim that the mother is “unstable” and that Jesse and one of her sibblings do not live with her. Since the state took two other children it appaers two children may have lived with Melissa.
The story has all sorts of familial dysfunction going on.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 10, 2011, at 2:47 pm
I have done a comprehensive study of state laws regarding marriage in the US. In most states marriage under age 16 requires judicial consent. In all states marriage under 18 requires parental consent with possible judicial over-rule, and occasional pregnancy exemptions. Maine requires parental consent unless both individuals are 19.
However all states have marriage laws with the un-written assumption that marriage involves two consenting parties. Marriage that involves non-consenting parties is not planned for in the law.
Another tricky issue in the law is marriages performed in foreign countries.
The pregnancy laws especially are built around the assumption we are dealing with a 16-year-old girl and a 17-year-old boy or something of that type. This creates an odd case where sex between a 25-year-old man and a 17-year-old girl is illegal in some states, but it is only through having sex and inducing a pregnancy that they can create a legal way to get married over the parents objections. Texas is about the only state that explicitly exempts sex-in-marriage from statutory rape laws. This means that in some states a man could in theory be arrested for statutory rape for having sex with his wife.
The heart of the matter is that statutory rape laws are written under the generally true assumpotion that older men having sex with teenaged girls are normally manipulating their emotions, and in the vast majority of cases giving false promises to obtain sex. The open commitment of marriage is a surer gaurd than the secret meetings in the back of a car, but modern attitudes about pre-marital sex make some of these thought processes hard to fathom.
Also the parental consent laws are built around the assumption that 17-year-olds will act rashly, but parental consent will cause proper deliberation. The question of whether the revocation of waiting times between license issuance and marriage and other previous methods to force all people entering marriage to do so with a well balanced plan is too rarely asked.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
March 10, 2011, at 3:04 pm
KT Chong’s link thickens the whole plot. We now have the prospect of possible immigration fraud through sham marriage combined with the possibility that why Melissa and Mohammed are not legally married is because Mohammad may be a polygamist. On the other hand he may just have decided not to wait for a divorce to go through before moving on. However if he is the father of Melissa’s six-year-old daughter, the later does not seem likely.
What does seem clear is that there are lots of issues here.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0